What To Do When an Employee Comes to You With a Problem

Despite your title or tenure in HR, at some point in your career, you will receive that message.

“Hey, do you have a minute?”

It will be an employee who needs to talk about something that feels heavy, uncomfortable, confusing, or overwhelming. And whether you are new to HR or not, that moment can bring a very specific mix of emotions: pressure to help, fear of saying the wrong thing, uncertainty about what you are allowed to promise, and the very real awareness that this conversation matters.

Before you start to spiral, remember this: you are not expected to fix everything in that first conversation. Your job is to listen carefully, set the right expectations, gather the information you need, and move the situation forward with clarity and care. If you can do those things, you are already doing your job well.

This guide is designed to walk you through that first real employee relations conversation in a way that is practical, human, and steady.

Step One: Start by Setting Expectations

Before the employee begins sharing details, take a moment to frame the conversation. This small step is one of the most important parts of the entire meeting, and it is often the one that gets skipped.

Employees usually walk into HR with assumptions about what you can do and how confidential the conversation will be. If those assumptions are not addressed up front, trust can erode later, even when you are acting appropriately.

You can keep this simple and natural. Try something like:

“I’m really glad you came to talk to me. Before we start, I want to explain my role so we’re on the same page. I’m here to listen and help figure out next steps. I can’t promise specific outcomes, but I can promise I’ll take this seriously and walk you through the process.”

Then address confidentiality honestly:

“I’ll keep this as private as I can, but if something comes up that I’m required to act on, I may need to involve others on a need-to-know basis.”

This sets the tone for the entire conversation. It builds credibility and prevents misunderstandings later so both of you can move forward with shared expectations.

Step Two: Let Them Talk Without Trying to Fix It

Once expectations are set, your primary job is to listen.

This is harder than it sounds, especially for those who feel pressure to respond, reassure, or offer solutions immediately. In this moment, your role is not to investigate, judge, solve, or evaluate. Your role is to understand.

Use open, simple prompts:

• “Tell me what’s been going on.”

• “When did this start?”

• “What’s been the most difficult part of this for you?”

  
  

If emotions surface, which they often do, you do not need perfect language. You only need to acknowledge what you are seeing.

“That sounds really difficult. I’m glad you came to talk to me.”

That single sentence can stabilize the conversation more than any policy explanation ever will.

Step Three: Clarify the Facts

After the employee has shared their story, begin clarifying what you have heard. This helps you separate emotions from events and ensures you are working with accurate information.

Focus on facts:

• Who was involved?

• What specifically happened?

• When and where did it occur?

• Has anything like this happened before?

• How is this affecting their work?

  
  

You are building understanding, not building conclusions.

Step Four: Explain What Happens Next

This is the point where many new HR professionals freeze. You may not yet know the final outcome, and that is okay. You only need to explain the next step.

You might say:

“Thank you for trusting me with this. I need to review what you’ve shared and determine what steps we need to take. I will follow up with you by Friday with an update.”

If escalation may be required, communicate that calmly and without alarm:

“Based on what you’ve told me, this may require additional review. Once I’ve had time to assess everything, I’ll explain what that process looks like.”

Clarity creates stability, even when the situation itself is uncertain.

Step Five: Close the Meeting with Stability

Before the employee leaves, ground the conversation.

“I appreciate you coming to me. I know these conversations aren’t easy. I will follow up with you by [date]. If anything urgent comes up before then, please let me know.”

This signals that their concern was taken seriously and that the process is moving forward.

After the Meeting: Your Work Continues

Document the conversation as soon as possible while details are fresh. Keep your notes factual and neutral. Record dates, timelines, direct quotes when appropriate, and clearly separate what the employee reported from what you personally observed.

Avoid emotional language or conclusions. Instead of writing “the employee was upset,” document “the employee stated they were frustrated that deadlines were being missed due to lack of communication.”

Then, follow through on your commitment to update the employee. Even if the update is simply, “I am still reviewing this and will have more information by Wednesday,” it reinforces trust.

Putting It All Together

Conducting an effective employee meeting isn’t about having the perfect responses or guaranteeing an outcome, it’s about showing up with clarity, consistency, and care. You are not expected to fix everything in one conversation. You are also not supposed to have every answer on the spot. If you did, this job wouldn’t exist.

What actually matters is that you show up, listen closely, speak honestly about what you do and don’t know yet, and then follow through on what you say you’re going to do. That’s the work.

Sometimes you won’t even be the right person to ultimately handle the issue. A lot of employees come to HR simply because they don’t know where else to go, or they don’t feel safe starting the conversation with their manager or leadership. That doesn’t make the conversation any less important. It just means your role is to receive it well, ask the right questions, and help guide the concern to the right place without making the employee feel brushed off or passed around.

Most employees aren’t coming to HR expecting a perfect solution. They’re coming because they want to feel taken seriously, treated fairly, and not left in the dark. When you can give them that, even while the situation is still unfolding, you’re doing your job well.