If you have been managing HR for even five minutes, you have likely heard someone say, "HR is not your friend." No one says finance is not your friend or IT is not your friend, but somehow HR gets stuck with this idea and then criticized when we don't live up to it. So let's talk about it. Today, let's talk about where this idea even came from, why employees hold onto it, and most importantly, how you as an HR pro can answer confidently when you hear, "HR is not your friend." Welcome back to The HR Connection, the podcast for anyone handling HR in a small business. I'm your host, Sabrina Baker, and today's topic is one every professional, no matter their level, has had to deal with. We are going to dive into it, but before we do, if you have been wondering how your HR stacks up overall in your small business, we have a free HR readiness assessment that will tell you how you are doing in the areas of compliance, infrastructure, and HR strategy. It only takes a few minutes and will give you a clear picture of where you stand now and things that you might be able to do to make it even better. It's linked in the show notes. Let's start at the beginning. The phrase, "HR is not your friend," didn't just appear out of nowhere. I have no proof of this, and while I'm sure people said it before, then I remember an article in Fast Company in maybe 2005-ish titled, "I Hate HR." The article still exists but is now locked behind a paywall. That's when I noticed this rise in this sentiment of HR not being your friend. In 2005, I was early career, just a few years in, and I remember even then thinking, "Why does everyone think I should be their friend?" Now, I know it comes from decades of HR being positioned first and foremost as a compliance and risk management function, and really that's what the function was created to be. Let's do a brief history lesson. Early HR, or personnel, as it was called, was created to keep the company out of legal trouble. In the early 1900s, companies like the National Cash Register created the first personnel department to handle employee complaints and safety issues, not because they really cared about those things, but because employees had gone on strike before due to those issues, and they didn't want them to strike again. World War II then further solidified personnel due to a labor shortage and the need for one specified department to handle recruiting and wages. Personnel went on like this for decades, focusing on documentation, policies, handbooks, terminations, all of it designed to protect the organization. So naturally, employees learned to see HR as the company's department, not theirs. I asked on LinkedIn what other practitioners thought about this statement and got a few responses. As I said earlier, and as Jessica Solomon commented, no one expects any other function to be their friend. Finance isn't your friend. They make sure the books balance. IT isn't your friend. They keep the systems running. Marketing, not your friend. They tell the company story. They're all respected for their roles, yet somehow HR gets handed this unrealistic expectation of friendship and then gets blasted when we don't meet it. That's where the tension starts. Luckily for all of us in HR, the role has evolved. It is much more than just compliance. Here are two quotes from that LinkedIn thread that I absolutely love. "I make sure the rules aren't weaponized, that teams are held accountable, and that people don't get crushed by broken systems." And the second one, "The HR of yesterday was the yes/no hire/fire rule enforcement agency. HR has evolved into a business partner, problem solver, and a way to keep businesses compliant while helping them create the outcomes they wish to create with safe, ethical solutions." Everyone needs a friend like that. So why does it stick? Why do employees still say this today even though HR has evolved? I think there's two reasons. First is lived experience. Employees often encounter HR during the worst moments of their careers: investigations, complaints, layoffs. And in those moments, HR is rarely seen as being on the employee's side. Second, perception. People assume HR always aligns with management because HR has access to sensitive information. They often sit in leadership discussions, and the perception is that they are aligned, and that fuels distrust. On my LinkedIn thread, people pointed this out again and again. HR is viewed as for the company, never for the employee. And when that's your starting point, HR is not your friend becomes the default narrative. Now look, I am not saying there aren't bad HR apples out there. I've heard they mostly go to Coldplay concerts. But there are bad apples in every department. And in many cases, HR doesn't even have the voice we want inside an organization to affect real change. I think what fuels a lot of this is the fact that HR often gets stuck being the bearer of bad news. Whenever I read an article of layoffs done via email or some other egregious thing that a company did, you can often find comments of people asking, "Where was HR?" And I think to myself, they were probably shouting from the rooftops that this wasn't a good idea, but no one would listen. They were overridden and just had to deliver the news. So sure, there are bad apples, and everyone has examples of how HR didn't handle something well. But often we aren't even given the choice or the opportunity to do it well. So here's the big question. How do you answer? I like to use a simple three-part framework: acknowledge, clarify, reframe. So you acknowledge. You start by agreeing. Don't get defensive. Say you're right. HR isn't here to be your friend. That can disarm the tension. Next, we're going to clarify. Here's what HR is for. My role is to make sure employees are treated fairly, the business is compliant, and we have a healthy workplace for everyone. And then finally, reframe. Shift the perspective. Instead of being your friend, think of HR as a trusted resource, someone who can guide you, answer questions, and help create an environment where people and the business can succeed. This keeps you credible without overpromising. Notice I didn't say, "I'll always be on your side." That's dangerous and sets up false expectations. Instead, position yourself as a fair and consistent partner. That's how you build trust. Here's the most important takeaway. Employees don't need HR to be their friend. What they need is HR they can trust. And trust is built on actions. Let me give you four actions that make the difference. The first one is consistency. Do what you say you'll do. Pay them on time. Deliver consistent service around benefits, time off. Get the back of the HR house in order, or it won't matter what you do or say. They're not going to trust you anyway. Number two is transparency. Communicate as much and as often as possible, even when you can't share details. Communicate about pay and bonuses, changes in policy. Communicate the reason for layoffs, terminations, and any major change to the business. And don't just communicate to those impacted. Communicate to everyone. I once heard Kat Cole, the CEO of AG1, say, "When I think I have communicated enough, I communicate more." And that has really stuck with me. More communication is always better. Number three, fairness. Apply policies equally. Don't play favorites and stand up to managers who try to, because you're going to be the one taking the fall for that. It's going to be your character who takes that fall. Raise that red flag to anyone who will listen as often as possible. And then number four, follow through. Close the loop. Even a simple, "Here's where things stand." Again, you simply cannot communicate enough. And when you don't follow up, when you don't tell them an outcome, employees don't just assume there's nothing to share. They start making things up. They assume you're withholding info, and the gossip and rumor mill start working overtime. These are the behaviors that shift the narrative over time, because let's face it, friendship fades, but trust and credibility, that's lasting. And do you know what I find? When you do those things I just mentioned, when you carry out those behaviors and you get stuck being the bearer of bad news, the person you are delivering the news to knows it's not from you. I have had to deliver some pretty difficult news in my career and have had several people say, "It's okay, Sabrina. I know that this wasn't your decision." And that tells me my consistency and my communication previously told them everything they needed to know about who I was to them. So the next time you hear HR is not your friend, don't bristle, don't defend. Use it as an opportunity to reframe. Acknowledge it, clarify your role, and then reframe what HR really is, because HR doesn't need to be your friend. HR needs to be your trusted partner. And that's far more powerful than friendship. If you have a favorite follow-up you use when someone says HR isn't your friend or you just want to read what others said, we will link that LinkedIn post in the show notes. And if we're not connected there, why not send a connection request while you're out there? Also, in the show notes is an opportunity to go even deeper with this topic. Check out the companion blog post that is titled The Truth Behind HR Is Not Your Friend, where we unpack how HR leaders can balance business and employee advocacy without sacrificing either. And if you're newer to HR, grab our free download, HR's Role Explained, a quick guide for new HR pros for a clear breakdown of what HR really does and doesn't do. Both links are in the show notes. Finally, if you found this episode helpful, please like, share, subscribe. That helps us get our content in front of more small business HR practitioners who may need it. That's it for today's episode. Thanks so much for being here, and I'll see you next time on The HR Connection.