reality of being an entrepreneur

It is 7:15 am on a Tuesday. I’m sitting in LAX. I’ve been up for 3 hours, but feel like I didn’t sleep at all. My Uber driver made me car sick, something that rarely happens. A woman is eating, what I can only assume, is onions with a side of burger for breakfast only adding to my nausea. I have 30 minutes until boarding. The woman next to me asked what I did for a living. She then told me how lucky I was to own my own business, make my own schedule and be able to balance life and work.

Except I don’t feel lucky at the moment. I feel guilty.

Guilty because my child lost his mind this morning over me leaving. He got so worked up in fact that he made himself sick. Few things activate mom guilt more than hearing your child crying over you leaving and then walking out that door.

Because while I might be lucky for the reasons airport lady pointed out above, I’m also facing the reality of being an entrepreneur. Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Being an entrepreneur is hard. Really hard. And while 90% of the time I love it, there are still days when I think it might be easier to just go back to a normal job. One where I….

Only have to focus on HR, not sales, marketing and finance too.

Can take a legitimate day off, turn off my phone and not worry about what may happen.

One where someone else is footing the bill for supplies, advertising and travel.

One where I work a standard 8-5(ish) and get to call it a day.

While these days of wondering what it might be like to go back into the regular working world are fewer and farther between than they were in the earlier days of my business, they still happen. I guess it’s a little bit of a pity party that I throw myself every once in a while and then move on. Move on because I realize that a normal job wouldn’t allow me to….

Work my work around my life, not the other way around.

Travel to multiple conferences throughout the year and meet amazing people. Most corporate jobs would only allow me to travel to one, if even that.

Be there for my son’s school plays, doctor’s appointments and sick days. Even if being there means he loses his mind the few days that I’m not.

I am lucky, but make no mistake. I work hard for this. As does every other entrepreneur out there. Every time someone asks me what it’s like owning my own business I first tell them how hard it is. Sure there are tons of perks, but it is not all glamorous. I’m guilty of looking at other business owners and thinking they have it so great only to remind myself that they worked their butts off to get where they are too.

And that they have days where they are sitting in an airport with the smell of onions permeating the air wondering if it’s all worth it.

It is. I know it is even if mom guilt is making me think twice right now. He’ll be fine. This is good for him…and me. I know this even if it doesn’t make it any easier.

That’s the reality of being an entrepreneur. If you are considering it, know this. While you will do some of the most rewarding work in your life, you will also work harder in less than sexy conditions than you ever have. You will stretch your mind and your resolve in ways that are hard to understand until you do it.

Enough of the pity party. Who can really complain about spending 3 days in Vegas?